There is have a trend that I see when coaching clients, and that is the belief that they are not a good person, that they have good managerial skills, or that they can achieve the very things they say they want. They don’t have self-efficacy, which is the fundamental belief that you can.
It breaks my heart when I see someone who has wonderful traits and skills but they don’t see it themselves. Some look for external validation from others to ‘let’ them know they are a good person. While others, even if hearing good comments, dismiss them – they don’t believe them.
Why does this occur? Somewhere along the way of growing up, there was an event where a comment was made that seemed critical; we also often compare ourselves to others, seeing their achievements greater than ours. Over time, these thoughts get reinforced as we ruminate over them, which then become our beliefs – ‘it must be true.’ These beliefs lead to our future thoughts and actions, which then lead to frustration and, eventually, declining emotional health.
But the good news is, you don’t have to stay in this state. Although difficult to master, it is doable to rewire brain patters and change negative thoughts to positives:
- Be aware when negative, self-deprecating thoughts arise – only in self-awareness can you do something about them. When do you hold yourself back, say from speaking up or taking action on something you want; when do you negate a compliment someone gives you – these are negatives arising. A great way to be more self-aware is to mark off on a piece of paper every time you have a negative or self-critical thought (you’ll get tired soon)
- STOP – you need to find a way to not allow negative thoughts to continue once aware; it will take some training but silently (or loudly) saying STOP, is one way to alter them; another is to put a rubber band on your wrist and flick it when negatives arise
- Replace- you must replace a negative thought with a positive; it’s not enough to just stop them. Mark Waldman, a neuroscience expert, says we need three positive thoughts to override one negative; reframe the negatives to a more motivating, positive one (“I have skills and abilities that make my work more appealing)
- Affirm – document daily your achievements, any compliments you’ve heard, or acts of kindness someone shows you (let’s you out in traffic or holds the door open for you); these will validate your skills and strengths and ‘show’ you the totality of you
Doing these steps daily will soon have you believing in yourself, which will lead to taking more risks and bolder actions. Soon, you’ll have more confidence to do anything you say you want. To paraphrase, “walk boldly in the direction of your dreams.”
This is the last month of March and the first quarter of the year; wow, how time does fly. So, what transformations will you make in these next quarter of the year? April is right around the corner so this is timely. Getting a head start, if you haven’t yet, will get your feet on the ground – you’ll be in mode to take some massive action, not wondering – as most will – what should you be doing each day.
I’ve pulled out my past planning to share some tips with you to help you get started; whether you are in your own business or an employee, setting good goals and having plans to reach them will set you in a great position for fantastic results:
- Review old goals you’ve been working on – how close are you to reaching them? Which, if any, did you accomplish? What did you do to reach them? What are your new goal(s) you’d like to reach by June 30?
- Write new goals – visualize as you write new goals, seeing each and every detail so your brain will be more motivated and do the work needed. Either write SMART ones or, start at the end using Everest goals. Be sure they are as specific as possible
- What specific steps are needed? – take each goal and break it down into very specific, actionable steps for what you will do each day you work. Look at money or resources needed in the process, as well as time it will take for each task. Put these in your calendar or white board so there will be no confusion on how to proceed
- Have metrics and rewards – have ways to track your progress, daily, weekly, and monthly; you want to ensure that the work you are doing is getting you desired results. Be sure to add a reward of some type, which makes the work more compelling to do
That’s the system I’m using; you don’t have to follow it exactly and can make it your own. Just take some time this week to use them and get started to transform your career (and life) to get higher results and play a bigger game.
If you’re ready to play a bigger game and transform your career, let’s talk! Contact us at http://www.cyscoaching.com today.
If you’re a Harry Potter fan at all, then you must love Daniel Radcliffe, who portrayed the young wizard. But who knew he was a fan of rap and has developed this skill. A must watch video on YouTube is of Daniel rapping on the Jimmy Fallon show; if you haven’t seen it, here is the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aKdV5FvXLuI
Last night on the Jimmy Fallon Show, a young man, named Jake, sent in a video of him rapping to a pitch he created, in the rap style, to become an intern on Jimmy’s show; he imposed himself in the video with Jimmy. At the end of the clip, he asked Jimmy Fallon to consider hiring him as an intern for him, to which Jimmy said “YES!”
It shows how creative and bold some people can be to get their dream job; I think of this young man’s idea, and technical skills, to create the video; then I think that his desire was greater than any worry of rejection he might receive. When it’s that big, what have you got to lose?
If you’re looking to land your dream job, what risks will you take to land it? What barriers will you push through to make it happen? Often, it just takes making a decision and determination to do so. It also takes having the belief in yourself and what you are bringing to that job/organization; without it, your toast. The old ‘fake it till you make it’ won’t apply. I’m sure Jake is a sponge and will thrive, since he’s been given the chance. If you’re a job seeker, be like Jake and go for it. If you’re a hiring manager, take the chance and nurture. This would go a long way to having high performers doing work your way, while enhancing the culture of the organization.
Bottom line – be like Jake!
Today is the first day of Spring, the time when flowers bloom and the birds return; a time of warmer weather and hopefulness for the good times. Living here in Florida, we are having great Spring weather, with the temperatures in the 70’s & 80’s (I’m loving my low electric bill). But this is not a hopeful Spring for many right now; my parents live up North and it’s still cold with some snow (I guess Punxatawney Phil was right).
This all comes down to perspectives and how you view situations that are put in your path: you can either look at them in a positive way or negatively, which will determine your outlook and productivity. If all you see are dark days, then you will only see everything as a dark day, irregardless if good happens. Changing your attitude and perspective is an individual choice to make, which can either keep you in focused, action mode or it will keep you down. I am so thankful for the small electric bills I have now, as I know in another month we’ll be back into the 90’s and my air conditioner will be going = $$; but I can be grateful that I have one as there are many people who don’t and suffer through the cold and heat.
Being negative also takes its toll on you emotionally, as your cells respond to those negative words and thoughts and lead you to feeling bad about your situation, which then begets more bad feelings. Are you starting to see how this goes? The good news is that you don’t have to stay in this negative pattern, you can actually push through them:
- Be aware of any negative thoughts, feelings, and words, whether they come from you or from someone else
- Stop – don’t allow them to form or continue; put a rubber band on your wrist and flick it at the first notice as this will interrupt the pattern to do so
- Replace the negatives with positive thoughts; Dr. Srini Pillay, founder of Neurobusiness Group, says that we need three (3) positive thoughts to override one negative, so use affirmations or talk to yourself in a nice, nurturing manner to start a new, positive habit
These tips will help ‘spring’ you forward to having a more positive and successful life. One precaution is that this will not be an ‘easy’ task, as you need to unlearn old patterns you’ve been using for years. But, by choosing to go towards a more positive life, and using these tips to overcome negative habits, you can turn your life into what you desire.
If you’d ready to take control of your life and your career, contact us today to get started – let’s talk! http://www.cyscoaching.com
Do you every feel overwhelmed? I’m sure we’ve all felt this way, at time or another. But how do you deal with it? I find that a lot of my clients, and my students, report an inability to handle these feelings of overwhelm, which begs the question: is it the tasks that need to get done, or the perception of them. There is a difference.
As one who is very busy, with my fingers in several things, I often feel overwhelmed, such as right now. I just finished teaching one course but started another, and I’m also on my last week for another course; I have a talk I’m giving next week, plus several others, and I run a coaching association, with a meeting next week. When I look at this, I admit my anxiety kicks in a bit as I wonder IF I will get them done. I know logically that they will, as they have in the past, but it doesn’t make me feel any different.
That is the funny thing with feelings – they set the tone for how we think and behave. Perceptions of our situations cause us problems when we believe the stories we tell ourselves. I hear clients say ‘I can’t deal with this,’ or ‘I don’t know if I can get all my tasks done.’ Believing these statements will lead them (and you) exactly where you are now….stuck. I know these feelings and ‘stuckness’ as well.
However, I’ve developed a strategy that works for me, and hopefully, it will for you. Because I’m a very visual person, I need to see what I’m dealing with. The one strategy that works for me is to create a picture of the tasks I have to do, along with the dates. I take a piece of copy paper and made headlines for each task I need to get done, such as one for each school I teach at, each of the talks I’m giving, writing, networking, etc. Then, under each, I list specific steps I can need to take along with a due date. I find that this simple act helps me to be more aware, which helps to relieve any anxious feelings I have, and keeps me feeling in control and focused.
It’s not a hard exercise to do but the results you get from it will decrease any fears and feelings and help you to take action. As an added bonus, I talk to myself, helping me to remember times in the past when I said I couldn’t handle what was on my plate but they got done; this actually is effective to challenge any negatives thoughts and then bounces back positive feelings from previous accomplishments. These work well for me – they can for you, too. Staying in negative patterns doesn’t have to be the norm; you can alter your thought patterns, creating positive habits and getting more done.
Another month is upon us. How are you doing on those goals you’ve developed? Do you have any way to track your progress? Don’t lose hope if you have to answer, ‘what goals?’
With a new month comes new hope for a better future. The month of March is a great way to move forward and get them done. It’s a great day to start a new goal or go after what you’re dreaming of. As long as you have dreams, they can become a reality. But, it does mean you have to take action to get them accomplished.
Starting with small steps, ala Kaizen, will help you to begin and override any fears or doubts that may creep up. ‘Will it work?’ How will I do this?’ ‘It seems so hard’ ‘It will never work; no one will want to buy it’ and on, and on, and on. If you allow these underlying fears to become bigger, you won’t begin let along achieve.
Starting with the smallest, least threatening action will ‘show’ your brain that what you’re doing isn’t so bad, which allows you to continue moving forward. It’s ‘marching’ with one step, which you keep doing until you’re ready for the next, and then the next. With habits now taking almost sixty days to sink in, starting small creates good habits for life. It’s one of the easiest ways to begin and get things done.
Wishing you success as you march towards a more productive and successful life. Today also begins Lent, the start of 40 days until Easter; this can also be a good time to create positive habits that will impact not just you, but others. You can give up a bad habit, i.e. eating sweets, over-drinking, smoking, lying, gossiping, etc., or practice kindness to others, i.e. giving thanks or compliments, volunteering, donating possessions or money to those less needy, etc. I’m sure there is something we all can do for forty days. A positive mindset needs to set the tone – look forward and march!
If you’d like help with setting or achieving goals, contact us today at http://www.cyscoaching.com – let’s talk!
I feel as if I’m writing this with a heavy heart; my idea of doing a weekly profile of various industries was going really well since the beginning of the year….until now. I have approached people I’ve known, who are making it ‘big’ in their respected industries, but have been very disappointed in the responses I’ve gotten or, should I say, the lack of.
Last week, I was late in getting the information out as I had to find a quick substitute for the person who had agreed and then didn’t; this week is the same. The person this week ‘forgot’ and then had some other things to take care of – they even avoided me when I saw them later. I feel so disappointed in these individuals right now. It makes me wonder how many others they have not followed through with or if that is how they run their business.
I’ve had to step back and deal with the disappointment I feel; I need to look at my expectations and if I got in the way somehow. Here are three quick tips for how to deal when others have disappointed you in some way:
- assess the situation from an outsider’s viewpoint: look to see if what you were asking was clear and conveyed in a way that the other person understood in the exact same way (I had told the person when I needed the information, but their response was “if I had known when you needed it, I wouldn’t have agreed; obviously, our wires got crossed – I did email them twice).
- take your hurt less personally: this is more about the other person and where they are; I am not sure if I’m upset more with the fact that my request was not important to this person or that they failed to follow through (I think both). Use empathy to see where the other person may be coming from in their perspective
- reaffirm your boundaries and move on: this person crossed a line that was not acceptable to me; I’ll be nice when I see them (we attend a meeting together) but I won’t ask them again into this space. Moving on and forward into your desires will take the ‘sting’ out of the situation and help you to let go of any negativity you fell
Just writing this has helped me to feel better. So, I will move forward to others who are more open and willing to share in the future. Stay tuned!