Today is the first day of Spring, the time when flowers bloom and the birds return; a time of warmer weather and hopefulness for the good times. Living here in Florida, we are having great Spring weather, with the temperatures in the 70’s & 80’s (I’m loving my low electric bill). But this is not a hopeful Spring for many right now; my parents live up North and it’s still cold with some snow (I guess Punxatawney Phil was right).
This all comes down to perspectives and how you view situations that are put in your path: you can either look at them in a positive way or negatively, which will determine your outlook and productivity. If all you see are dark days, then you will only see everything as a dark day, irregardless if good happens. Changing your attitude and perspective is an individual choice to make, which can either keep you in focused, action mode or it will keep you down. I am so thankful for the small electric bills I have now, as I know in another month we’ll be back into the 90’s and my air conditioner will be going = $$; but I can be grateful that I have one as there are many people who don’t and suffer through the cold and heat.
Being negative also takes its toll on you emotionally, as your cells respond to those negative words and thoughts and lead you to feeling bad about your situation, which then begets more bad feelings. Are you starting to see how this goes? The good news is that you don’t have to stay in this negative pattern, you can actually push through them:
- Be aware of any negative thoughts, feelings, and words, whether they come from you or from someone else
- Stop – don’t allow them to form or continue; put a rubber band on your wrist and flick it at the first notice as this will interrupt the pattern to do so
- Replace the negatives with positive thoughts; Dr. Srini Pillay, founder of Neurobusiness Group, says that we need three (3) positive thoughts to override one negative, so use affirmations or talk to yourself in a nice, nurturing manner to start a new, positive habit
These tips will help ‘spring’ you forward to having a more positive and successful life. One precaution is that this will not be an ‘easy’ task, as you need to unlearn old patterns you’ve been using for years. But, by choosing to go towards a more positive life, and using these tips to overcome negative habits, you can turn your life into what you desire.
If you’d ready to take control of your life and your career, contact us today to get started – let’s talk! http://www.cyscoaching.com
I feel as if I’m writing this with a heavy heart; my idea of doing a weekly profile of various industries was going really well since the beginning of the year….until now. I have approached people I’ve known, who are making it ‘big’ in their respected industries, but have been very disappointed in the responses I’ve gotten or, should I say, the lack of.
Last week, I was late in getting the information out as I had to find a quick substitute for the person who had agreed and then didn’t; this week is the same. The person this week ‘forgot’ and then had some other things to take care of – they even avoided me when I saw them later. I feel so disappointed in these individuals right now. It makes me wonder how many others they have not followed through with or if that is how they run their business.
I’ve had to step back and deal with the disappointment I feel; I need to look at my expectations and if I got in the way somehow. Here are three quick tips for how to deal when others have disappointed you in some way:
- assess the situation from an outsider’s viewpoint: look to see if what you were asking was clear and conveyed in a way that the other person understood in the exact same way (I had told the person when I needed the information, but their response was “if I had known when you needed it, I wouldn’t have agreed; obviously, our wires got crossed – I did email them twice).
- take your hurt less personally: this is more about the other person and where they are; I am not sure if I’m upset more with the fact that my request was not important to this person or that they failed to follow through (I think both). Use empathy to see where the other person may be coming from in their perspective
- reaffirm your boundaries and move on: this person crossed a line that was not acceptable to me; I’ll be nice when I see them (we attend a meeting together) but I won’t ask them again into this space. Moving on and forward into your desires will take the ‘sting’ out of the situation and help you to let go of any negativity you fell
Just writing this has helped me to feel better. So, I will move forward to others who are more open and willing to share in the future. Stay tuned!
Did you ever have one of those days when it seems that things don’t go the way you want them to? I’m sure you have – we all have. I’d defy someone to say that this has never occurred in their life. Today seems like one of those days. In the last couple of weeks, I’ve had two companies call for my services but now they are delaying with an answer (huh?). I’m working on a presentation and the ‘tweaks’ are not going as expected. And now, one of my worst fears might be true – a website I had built in the last two years may be gone: I got the white screen of death.
Six years ago, my website got hacked and I had to start over – it was pretty devastating but did lead to some good outcomes. I had someone start a new site for me, which I’ve never used but feel I may want to; I called my hosting site and they think it may be the browser I’m signed in on – I’m praying it is so. If not, I will most likely need a good cry and a drink or two (lol).
I’d like to go back and address my statement that today ‘seems’ like one of those days when, in fact, it’s really not that bad. Why is it that we go down that dark place? Why do we allow our negative thoughts to take over, where we ‘lump’ all our situations into one big dark cloud? The brain tends to stay on the negative side, as it is always looking at potential threats to our status quo. When you have one negative issue, the memories of an earlier one comes flooding through and the emotion we feel is as if we first experienced it. I’m feeling a sense of panic when I think of how awful it was six years ago when my website got hacked – it doesn’t feel any different for me.
The only positive is that I’ve grown a lot since then and can rationalize the situation and how I will respond if the outcome turns out to be what I fear. I know that I have people I can turn to who will help me in this, although the loss of the work done is leading me to be so upset. If you’re experiencing a day where things seem to turn out wrong, here are a few tips to help turn this around:
- stop and pause – as our fight or flight is going off, it can lead us to feel anxious or angry, and wanting to make the situation ‘right’ (which can have the opposite effect). Stopping and pausing will provide calm, which is needed to think more clearly about the actions you will take
- use positive self-talk – as our tendency is to focus on negative, we have to fight hard to be positive; talking out loud to yourself breaks the negative focus and you can challenge the negative thought to see an alternate side, or a positive outcome for how you are able to handle any situation you face
- take quick action – don’t allow any negativity to invade your thoughts, which will happen very easily. Taking action on solutions charges the brain, which loves to solve problems, and doesn’t give time for wallowing in your poor circumstances
I know the talk will get pulled together; I can give some more time to hear back, as well s contact both companies for a status update; and, I know that I can start again in creating a new site (my delay in not using it is telling me something). I will give pause and reflect on the message, and then take action on righting the wrong. Positive thoughts create positive actions!
If you would like help in overcoming negativity and be more focused and action-oriented to achieve your desired goals, contact us: http://www.cyscoaching.com – let’s talk!
I was pleasantly surprised when I read a recent article tooting the benefits of doodling; I am not much of a drawer but I sure can doodle all day. Studies have shown that doodling helps with concentration, focus and retention of information. It also helps with our imagination and creativity, and seeing the big picture (Brown, 2014).
Doodling is also a mindfulness practice, which can help relieve stress and anxiety we may experience in our everyday lives. Doodling can be done while on the phone or at our desk, although I wouldn’t recommend spending hours in this practice. However, it can be a great way to resolve a problem or before you sit and come up with ideas for a new project. I read that Ron Howard doodles before he storyboards his movies. If this benefits him, I’m in!
The next time you feel stressed, or want to come up with how to deal with a situation, take some time and make marks on a paper; draw stick figures (my method), or words that come to mind. You can then color them, or even put them in different colors as the right brain comes alive and the left goes into problem-solving. As I already am practicing my gratitude and working on meditating, I’ll be adding this practice to my ‘tool box” – at least this one I can do without much effort. I’m looking forward to the added benefits. I hope you give it a try!
If you’re ready to take your career to the next level, contact us today – let’s chat! http://www.cyscoaching.com
If you are still preparing for how you want 2017 to go, there is a new trend catching on that I encourage you to consider, and that is the act of kindness. I’m sure you’ve heard about the benefits of practicing gratitude, which is where you recognize and appreciate all that you have in your life. I’ve been doing this, in what started out as participating in a 100-day gratitude challenge – it caught on and I’m now on day 515. It has changed my outlook and has attracted so many positive things for me, both personally and professionally.
According to an article in Parade Magazine, kindness is ‘at the heart of intimacy, connection, self-respect and respect for others’; benefits include: happier and bigger hearts, better physical health, more connected neighborhoods, emotionally intelligent kids, better busienss, and a more connected world (Lerner, 2017). A Kindness USA poll found that only 25% of Americans feel we are living in a kind world (Parade Magazine, 2017); I question why this change has occurred but recognize numerous factors that could lead to this alarming number.
Just like gratitude, being kind to others raises the happy chemical in our brain and we feel more positive and happier; our overall health improves as our heart rate goes down, stomach issues don’t arise and our outlook improves. The best part is that kindness is free; it is done from our choice and free will in trying to make a difference in someone else’s life; it’s important to remember that we don’t know what someone else is dealing with.
Kindness can take many forms:
- small acts – holding the door open for someone, letting someone out in traffic, helping a coworker on a project they’re working on, or giving a compliment
- saying thank you – this can be verbally or in written form, such as sending a card letting them know how much they mean to you, or through a text message or email
- spending time together – as we can get busy, making time for someone is a great way to be kind, which can be your family, friends, someone you haven’t seen in a long time, or going to visit residents of a nursing home in your area (as most don’t get visitors)
- donations – cleaning your closets out and giving to a local charity can help those in need; giving money to a nonprofit or charity is another way to ensure those who need have those needs met
- volunteer – this involves giving of your time to a cause you believe in, such as children, elderly, veterans, or animals
- get a group together – this can include family members or your neighbors who can spread kindness, but as a group. One suggestion would be walking for a cause, or sprucing up your neighborhood or a neighbor’s yard
- recognition at work – giving compliments, recognizing the work of others, celebrating accomplishments or milestones, saying ‘thank you’
- pay it forward – pay for the person behind you in line or buy someone’s meal or groceries
These are just some suggestions to get you started, which don’t just apply to our personal life – we need to use them in our work environments, as well. When we truly practice kindness, we are not expecting anything in return, so you will want to check your motives. But giving to others will come back to you ten thousand-fold in the end. You will be a better human being for doing so, which then spreads to others and we will have a kinder world in the end.
If you feel stuck in your career or need help in making realistic goals, contact us – let’s talk! http://www.cyscoaching.com
On this first day of 2017, I want to wish you a year filled with focus, clarity, and taking massive action on intentions you’ve set for yourself. If you haven’t, it’s not too late to do so. Dream as big as you want, as anything is possible if you have the right mindset, which is yours to set. Remember the principal of Kaizen – start with the smallest action to overcome any fears, and create lasting habits for success. Happy New Year – make it your best!
First off, Happy Halloween! It feels strange having it be on a Monday but I did party on Saturday night. It was so fun to dress and have people you see daily not recognize you. I was a blond for the night (which I was for a period of time in my past). It was scary to see how people would look at me but, hearing many compliments, it was empowering.
This made me think of how scary a goal or task we want to accomplish can be; this goal can be something we want, such as getting more money, changing jobs, or stopping a bad habit. But it also can be something that we need, even though we may not realize it. I think of individuals who say they are unhappy in their career but stay out of a fear of some kind, which could include: fear of rejection (‘what if I don’t get hired?’), fear of change (‘I know what I have but don’t know what’s out there’), or fear of how it will impact others (‘how will my family deal with me having a new job?’). Going on a different path is scary – but is it more so than staying in a job (or a situation) that depletes you?
Even positive changes can be stressful (eustress) and feel so scary that they are either done slowly or never done. Again, the fear is greater than the desire. So what’s the solution? We’ve all hear the saying “feel the fear and do it anyway” (Susan Jeffers); I say also ‘get over yourself and move on.’ Is the task, goal, or whatever it is you want to do more compelling and powerful than any fear you have? I hope so, because if it’s not, then why do the ‘whatever?’ Your goal must be so compelling that it doesn’t matter what you, or others, think. You just know it needs to happen. The importance is what will give you courage to start and accomplish anything you set out to do.
This reminds me of a story I read with the title of “How Religion Helped her Lose 100lbs.” It seems that the woman in the story was in church listening to the Pastor’s sermon; his message concluded with the statement ‘when you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, then when do you get over your self?’ The woman related how this really resonated with her about her weight, so she decided then and there to make serious changes, which led to her profound weight loss. I think that statement is very compelling in that we all can ask ourselves that question when we find ourselves fearful and frustrated. Like this woman, you can set a goal and begin to make changes that will move you fulfilling that goal. Sure, it will be scary at first; but if you have a compelling reason and be committed, you can move past scary and into accomplished.