Dealing with Disappointment in Others

I feel as if I’m writing this with a heavy heart; my idea of doing a weekly profile of various industries was going really well since the beginning of the year….until now. I have approached people I’ve known, who are making it ‘big’ in their respected industries, but have been very disappointed in the responses I’ve gotten or, should I say, the lack of.

Last week, I was late in getting the information out as I had to find a quick substitute for the person who had agreed and then didn’t; this week is the same. The person this week ‘forgot’ and then had some other things to take care of – they even avoided me when I saw them later. I feel so disappointed in these individuals right now. It makes me wonder how many others they have not followed through with or if that is how they run their business.

I’ve had to step back and deal with the disappointment I feel; I need to look at my expectations and if I got in the way somehow. Here are three quick tips for how to deal when others have disappointed you in some way:

  • assess the situation from an outsider’s viewpoint: look to see if what you were asking was clear and conveyed in a way that the other person understood in the exact same way (I had told the person when I needed the information, but their response was “if I had known when you needed it, I wouldn’t have agreed; obviously, our wires got crossed – I did email them twice).
  • take your hurt less personally: this is more about the other person and where they are; I am not sure if I’m upset more with the fact that my request was not important to this person or that they failed to follow through (I think both). Use empathy to see where the other person may be coming from in their perspective
  • reaffirm your boundaries and move on: this person crossed a line that was not acceptable to me; I’ll be nice when I see them (we attend a meeting together) but I won’t ask them again into this space. Moving on and forward into your desires will take the ‘sting’ out of the situation and help you to let go of any negativity you fell

Just writing this has helped me to feel better. So, I will move forward to others who are more open and willing to share in the future. Stay tuned!

How to Deal When Nothing Seems to Go Right

Did you ever have one of those days when it seems that things don’t go the way you want them to? I’m sure you have – we all have. I’d defy someone to say that this has never occurred in their life. Today seems like one of those days. In the last couple of weeks, I’ve had two companies call for my services but now they are delaying with an answer (huh?). I’m working on a presentation and the ‘tweaks’ are not going as expected. And now, one of my worst fears might be true – a website I had built in the last two years may be gone: I got the white screen of death.

Six years ago, my website got hacked and I had to start over – it was pretty devastating but did lead to some good outcomes. I had someone start a new site for me, which I’ve never used but feel I may want to; I called my hosting site and they think it may be the browser I’m signed in on – I’m praying it is so. If not, I will most likely need a good cry and a drink or two (lol).

I’d like to go back and address my statement that today ‘seems’ like one of those days when, in fact, it’s really not that bad. Why is it that we go down that dark place? Why do we allow our negative thoughts to take over, where we ‘lump’ all our situations into one big dark cloud? The brain tends to stay on the negative side, as it is always looking at potential threats to our status quo. When you have one negative issue, the memories of an earlier one comes flooding through and the emotion we feel is as if we first experienced it. I’m feeling a sense of panic when I think of how awful it was six years ago when my website got hacked – it doesn’t feel any different for me.

The only positive is that I’ve grown a lot since then and can rationalize the situation and how I will respond if the outcome turns out to be what I fear. I know that I have people I can turn to who will help me in this, although the loss of the work done is leading me to be so upset. If you’re experiencing a day where things seem to turn out wrong, here are a few tips to help turn this around:

  1. stop and pause – as our fight or flight is going off, it can lead us to feel anxious or angry, and wanting to make the situation ‘right’ (which can have the opposite effect). Stopping and pausing will provide calm, which is needed to think more clearly about the actions you will take
  2. use positive self-talk – as our tendency is to focus on negative, we have to fight hard to be positive; talking out loud to yourself breaks the negative focus and you can challenge the negative thought to see an alternate side, or a positive outcome for how you are able to handle any situation you face
  3. take quick action – don’t allow any negativity to invade your thoughts, which will happen very easily. Taking action on solutions charges the brain, which loves to solve problems, and doesn’t give time for wallowing in your poor circumstances

I know the talk will get pulled together; I can give some more time to hear back, as well s contact both companies for a status update; and, I know that I can start again in creating a new site (my delay in not using it is telling me something). I will give pause and reflect on the message, and then take action on righting the wrong. Positive thoughts create positive actions!

If you would like help in overcoming negativity and be more focused and action-oriented to achieve your desired goals, contact us: http://www.cyscoaching.com – let’s talk!

Happy President’s Day

Today, we celebrate our forefathers, who set the tone for our country; George Washington and Abraham Lincoln are two who set the pace. Both were courageous in their own way but changed the dynamic of how things are today.

When I think of them, I think of disruptors – those who are not satisfied with the ‘status quo’ and aren’t afraid to say so. I think we all need to be like these men – this is how movements are made.

If you’re off today, enjoy your day. If not, enjoy your day. But the message is to keep being disruptive about your passions and your message. “Be the change you seek” (Mahatma Ghandi, n.d.).

 

What Do You Wednesday?

(Due to extenuating circumstances, this had to be postponed until today. Better late that never, as they say).

Name/Profession: Susan Havill, Human Resource Business Partner

What led you into this career/profession?

I enjoy helping individuals achieve their full potential and finding ways to promote organizational development that leads to strong business results.

What appealed to you?

The opportunity to partner with leaders to develop people strategies that promote strong business results for the organization.

What did it take for you to get into this position?

I obtained a degree in human resources.  I obtained, also, experience working for leading companies in a variety of human resource roles.

What is the best part of your day?

Collaborating with leaders to develop solutions to their problems.  Training leaders on people development skills.  Coaching leaders on effective strategies to bring out the best in their teams.

What is the worst part of your day?

I really love my current role.  In more entry level HR roles earlier in my career, I spent a lot of time inputting HR data and filing information.  I prefer working on more strategic efforts.

What is the average salary for this position and perks of the job?

The salary for an HR Leader can range from $80,000 to $120,000.   In some roles I have had opportunities to do some fun travel. Entry level roles can average $35-40k, dependent upon the part of the country you work.

How would someone get started in this position?

Get internships during college to build some basic experience.  Volunteer for nonprofit groups to take on HR- related projects. Join HR-related associations and get involved.

What words of advice and/or recommendations would you give to someone thinking of this profession as a career?

It’s very important to achieve HR certification to show that you can apply HR learning to real world business opportunities.  Plus, I found that the course that I look to prepare me for the test was outstanding in helping to broaden my knowledge.

 

Happy Valentines’ Day!

As we celebrate this day, I wanted to wish you a day filled with much love and happiness; spend it finding the positives in your life, and be sure to spread that around. Enjoy your day!

National Kindness Week

This week is National Kindness Week so I’m putting it out there to do something (or several) everyday to show kindness to others. We live in a VERY unkind world these days that it makes me shake my head at some stories I read and hear.

Being kind, just like gratitude, takes the focus off of you and puts it to others. Being kind doesn’t take much, or have to cost a lot of money – it’s up to you of what’s in your heart. But, you would be making a huge difference to someone else. Here are a few quick and easy ways to spread kindness to others:

  • give thanks to someone else – give compliments or say thank you to someone for something they did, or for just being them
  • send cards – who wouldn’t want to receive a card or small note in the mail, or in person? Recognize someone from your past who made a difference, such as a former teacher or mentor
  • donate – this can be either your time or in monetary terms, say to your favorite charity or a cause you believe in
  • send out positive thoughts, or pray, for someone; we all can use these
  • pay it forward – buy the meal or coffee for the person in front, or back, of you
  • small acts go a long way – hold the door open for someone, carry groceries for another

In recognition, I’d like to say ‘thank you’ to those who follow me; you rock!

“What Do You Do?” Wednesday

Robert (Bob) Filichia, CPIA, Filichia Insurance Agency, Inc.

Current Profession:

Insurance Agent/Broker, Agency Owner

What led you into this career/profession?

After a career in the Navy, I decided to go into Law Enforcement, where I worked for ten years. However, I tired of the hours and intensity of the job so I made the decision to go into the insurance industry. My father and brother were in the industry, so I was familiar. I took a job with State Farm as a claims adjuster; then I moved to the agency side with my father and brother with Nationwide. My father bought out his share and started his own agency, and then I decided to do the same.

What appealed to you?

I’m a people-person, so I liked the aspect of being able to help and educate people about protecting themselves by having insurance; I feel that if I didn’t, it would be a disservice. I like that you can educate clients about their safety and protecting their homes, cars, business and life.

What did it take for you to get into this position?
A lot of tears…. I had to first take a qualifying course and be working in the field for a year. I then had to take a 260-hour course (it is probably higher now) and then take the State certification exam. I obtained the 220 license, which allows you to write policies for home, auto, and life. As I moved into other parts of insurance, I had to take the Life Agent Exam and the exam to become a Certified Professional Insurance Agent (CPIA). The process can take several years, dependent on how motivated one is and the product you want to focus on.

What is the best part of your day?

When I am able to sit with clients and educate them regarding their coverage. As I mentioned, I’m a people person so I really enjoy helping my clients but prefer to sit with them 1:1.

What is the worst part of your day?

When I get customers who are resistant or who come in defensive. The often don’t want to listen and can get very angry. I’ve been cursed and yelled at. But my training in Law Enforcement is helpful to diffuse these types of situations, which turn out well, overall.

What is the average salary and perks of the job?

This can depend on the agency you work for. Typically, new agents start at minimum wage, but the more experience and training you have, you can move up. There are opportunities to better your salary through incentives (1%-2%), plus bonuses. The average salary can range from $35 – 40,000; but there are agents who can make in the six figures. Another perk is that training is usually paid for, which is a huge perk. The more motivated one is, the higher their salary can go.

What led you into this career/profession?

After a career in the Navy, I decided to go into Law Enforcement, where I worked for ten years. However, I tired of the hours and intensity of the job so I made the decision to go into the insurance industry. My father and brother were in the industry, so  was I familiar.  I took a job with State Farm as a claims adjuster; then I moved to the agency of the side of the insurance world. As did my father and brother, we became Nationwide insurance agents. My father and brother each had their own Nationwide agencies, and then I decided to do the same.

What appealed to you?

I’m a people-person, so I liked the aspect of being able to help and educate people about protecting themselves by having insurance; I feel that if I didn’t, it would be a disservice. I like that you can educate clients about their safety and protecting their homes, cars, business and life.

What did it take for you to get into this position?
A lot of tears…. I had to first take a qualifying course and be working in the field for a year. I then had to take a 260-hour course (it is probably higher now) and then take the State certification/licensing exam. I obtained the 220 license, which allows you to write Property and and Casualty policies for home, auto, business and life. As I moved into other parts of insurance, I had to take the Life Agent Exam. Later in my career, I completed designation training to become a Certified Professional Insurance Agent (CPIA). The licensing process can take several years, dependent on how motivated one is and the product you want to focus on.

What is the best part of your day?

When I am able to sit with clients and educate them regarding their coverage. As I mentioned, I’m a people person so I really enjoy helping my clients but prefer to sit with them 1:1.

What is the worst part of your day?

When I get customers who are resistant or who come in defensive. The often don’t want to listen and can get very angry. I’ve been cursed and yelled at. But my training in Law Enforcement is helpful to diffuse these types of situations, which turn out well, overall.

What is the average salary and perks of the job?

This can depend on the agency you work for. Typically, new agents start at minimum wage, but the more experience and training you have, you can move up. There are opportunities to better your salary through incentives (1%-2%), plus bonuses. The average salary can range from $35 – 40,000; but there are agents who can make in the six figures. Another perk is that training is usually paid for, which is a huge perk. The more motivated one is, the higher their salary can go.

How would someone get started in this profession?

They first need to go to their State’s online website to see what the rules/laws are and licensing requirements. The then need to go through the required trainings and take the licensing examinations. Then, they need to find a broker to work for and learn from them.

What words of advice and/or recommendations would you give to someone thinking of this profession as a career?

I would suggest that someone who wants to be an insurance agent to go work for someone else for five years to see if this is the industry for them, as it changes all the time. I would recommend starting as a Customer Service Representative (CSR), then working up. One also would need to like meeting and networking with people and have some sales skills, or be comfortable with being on the phone; these are taught in the CSR course but having an aptitude for these will make it easier to move into this role. I would recommend that once in the field, it’s about nurturing your leads and making the phone your friend.

 

How would someone get started in this profession?

They first need to go to their State’s online website to see what the rules/laws are and licensing requirements. The then need to go through the required trainings and take the licensing examinations. Then, they need to find a broker to work for and learn from them.

What words of advice and/or recommendations would you give to someone thinking of this profession as a career?

I would suggest that someone who wants to be an insurance agent to go work for someone else for five years to see if this is the industry for them, as it changes all the time. I would recommend starting as a Customer Service Representative (CSR), then working up. One also would need to like meeting and networking with people and have some sales skills, or be comfortable with being on the phone; these are taught in the CSR course but having an aptitude for these will make it easier to move into this role. I would recommend that once in the field, it’s about nurturing your leads and making the phone your friend.

 

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