When I see the level of disengagement in the workforce – 70% – I must reflect as to what is actually going on. Can it really be that this pervasive level of unhappiness can only be attributed to displeasure or boredom with the tasks of the job? I must conclude that it is due to a relationship issue, either with a boss, a coworker, a vendor or a customer. Being out-of-line with one, or more, of these individuals can elicit feelings that can lead to conflict or feelings of stress and anger if not properly addressed. Some of these bad behaviors can include:
- working too slow
- working too fast
- making demand, and not respectfully
- no appreciation or acknowdgement
- yelling/wise-cracks
- no response or just walking away
- gossiping
- ‘ratting’ to the boss
- taking credit for others work
- absenteeism
- hoarding information or resources
I really can come up with a lot more but the point is that others behaviors can greatly influence our level of satisfaction with the job. Bad behavior will exist in one form or fashion when people who are different are brought together in one location; when these differing styles and behaviors join for the purpose of carrying out tasks there will be ‘differences’ that emerge.
But when dealing with bad behaviors, one must also address their own behavior as it may not just be the other person. Perhaps you are the one who is withholding information when you are angry with someone or you want to get noticed for having that knowledge; it could be that you ‘get’ the job task but become impatient with a coworker who doesn’t.
Relationships are complicated and conflict can arise when we see things from our own ‘eyes.’ Taking time to slow down and tapping into the thoughts that are leading to the conflicted state (feeling disrespected or unworthy) will help you to deal with them and decide on how to handle them and the issue. Fully knowing how to modify your emotions, ala emotional intelligence, will help you to take any situation less personally which then allows you to be more in control. Checking your own behavior is key. So the next time you are upset with someone at work, you need to look at your own behavior to see if the problem is you or at least how you contributed to the situation. Rather than point the finger as someone else, you may need it to point back at you.
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