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Do You REALLY Know What You Want?

So many people today seem to be looking for something better – a better job, better relationships or an improvement in their outlook on life.  While I think that this quest to self-improve is phenomenal and needed (we all need to grow daily or else we will become stagnant and miserable), if you don’t know what it is that you truly want it will not happen.  You will stay stuck in your reality of lack of, as opposed to what is or can be.

I find that a good majority of clients who come to me seek out my services due to feelings of frustration and unhappiness in their current situation.  Some can say with clarity the circumstances that have led to these feelings, such as feeling overwhelmed at work or worried about their poor finances.  Other clients can’t even get that far; they just know that they don’t like where they are in their life and want something to change.

While recognition is the first key, the real problem is that they are focusing on what they don’t have and not on what they want which, sadly, when questioned, they can’t answer.   Why is it that we are very clear on what we don’t want but not on what we do?  Part of that is how our brains function and living in our reptilian brain with those unconscious thoughts and beliefs.   I find that some people are afraid to bring their unconscious thoughts to the surface and say what their wants and desires are, mainly out of fear that they won”t come true or that they don’t deserve them.  They push their big wants down and won’t even allow the words to come out!

This is against one of the rules of the Law of Attraction; focusing on what you don’t want only reinforces that negative thought.  The more you believe that negative thought, and reinforce it, the truer it  will become.  Going with the LOA, the more you focus on positive thoughts the truer they become.  But it all starts with knowing exactly what you want for your career or for any area of your life.  The clearer you are, the easier it will be for your brain to wrap itself around that thought; the path will become clearer and you will become more motivated to pursue those desires.

Getting clear on what you really want does not have to be as difficult as most people think:

  • Give yourself permission to think big in your wants and desires – when you keep your desires hidden, the brain cannot understand what it is that you want and your focus will be on the negative feelings you then have from this lack of acknowledgement
  • Acknowledge these ‘wants’ – bring them to the surface; write them, say them, tell others about them.  When your desires are in awareness, they become more tangible to pursue
  • List them – since most awareness in these situations tends to focus on what you don’t want, make a list of all your “Don’t Want” on one side of a sheet of paper; your areas could include career, relationships, finances, health, household, children or personal development
  • Reframe them- you must alter your brain to focus more on positive thoughts, which can be done by the words you use that are more action-oriented.  On the other side of  the “Don’t Want” list, write “What I Do Want” and then reframe your “don’t” into “do’s”; use words like ‘can’, ‘will’, or ‘choose’. Somehow the brain understands these words and envelops around them and becomes more positive-focused
  • Reinforce them – it is vital to keep reinforcing all positive thoughts and actions so that they become a habit, as opposed to keeping in negative ones.  New habits don’t occur overnight so it is essential that you keep repeating these new positive thoughts daily

If you have been stuck in finding what you really want in your career or in your life, I encourage you to follow these steps so you can go after your desires.  You can either stay where you are now or you can begin to have the life you want; remember, the choice is your to make.

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