Do You Focus on What You Don’t Want?

If you are wanting to make changes in your life – a new job or to lose weight – and  you are finding it a struggle, then the problem can be all in your head!  What I mean is that you may be focusing on what you don’t want as opposed to what you do.  It amazes me how many people I speak with just know that they need more fulfillment or satisfaction in their life; their current job or life situation is not meeting their needs. However, when asked what it is they want so they can get that fulfillment they cannot say.

When we focus on what we don’t want we wont be open to any new possibilities; it’s as if we train our brain to be closed off to any ideas or possibilities we entertain.  Keeping our focus and resulting actions on areas that are causing us unhappiness and distress is draining and toxic to our well-being and it leads us down a slippy-slope to a host of problems, both emotional and physical.  The good news, however, is that you can totally turn your way of thinking around, but I won’t promise you that it will be easy or fast; nothing done quickly does not usually turn out well, mainly in the respect of forming a life-long habit for the ‘next time.’

When you find yourself in an unhappy situation and you feel stuck:

  • Slow down – when we feel frustrated or unhappy we are in discomfort, which will lead us to find a quick-relief; often, this can lead to impulsive or destructive behaviors, like drinking or eating that doughnut.  Taking time to assess and analyze the source of your wants will help you to find the answers you are seeking (they are there).
  • Free-think  – take time and answer the question, “if time or money weren’t an issue, I would __________” ; or, what wish(es) would you ask the Genie in the bottle? Allow yourself to think big – no one is editing or monitoring your answers (there are no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ here)
  • Focus on what you DO want – this step is where you now train that brain of yours to be focused only on your desires, wants, needs.  This is where you use tools like affirmations, power words, journaling, or a vision board to keep those wants in front of you at all times.

You have the power within to do and achieve all you want – it is you that prevents you and it usually results from the focus on the negatives, so make the commitment and allow yourself to be more positive.  Try it for 30-60 days, the time it takes to formulate a new habit, and see the life-changes you will make.


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